Posts Tagged ‘divorce’

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Did you see the news that Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband Chris are splitting up? Sadly, it’s not surprising that another Hollywood couple is getting a divorce. Rarely do their relationships outlive the relationships of their on-screen characters. However, this break-up is different. In fact, let’s not even use the icky word “divorce.” Instead, let’s call it “Conscious Uncoupling.” Is that politically correct enough? What does that actually mean?

I don’t know Miss Paltrow, and while I have no ill will towards her, her life philosophy seems to be on some pretty shaky ground. Especially if it is based on anything written in this article (http://www.goop.com/journal/be/conscious-uncoupling?utm_source=goop+issue&utm_campaign=e01b658d69-A_Note_From_GP_3_25_2014&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_5ad74d5855-e01b658d69-1569350). Right below her “Conscious Uncoupling” announcement is arguably one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever read in my life. Written by Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami (doctors of what, I wonder?) is a New Agey, evolutionary way to sanitize divorce. In short, it’s about as steaming as what our dogs left on the side of the road this morning (sorry for the mental picture!).

In this article, they try to describe why there is such a high divorce rate in our culture (typically cited as 50%). Their answer? We are living longer than our ancestors, and we have not evolved a sense of commitment to go along with our longer lifespans. That’s right. They tell us that our cave-men ancestors lived much shorter lives, and so it was easier to stay committed to a single relationship. However, now that we live longer, we basically get sick of each other and need to shake things up a bit (Hey, a guy’s got needs, right?). Therefore, our relationships must eventually come to an end, so that we may enjoy one or several more over the course of our lifetime. And this is OK, because that’s what evolution has made us to be. Thanks evolution, for again providing a shallow and ridiculous answer to one of our most important life questions.

They go on to make some metaphorical statements about why bugs didn’t evolve to take over the world because of their exoskeletons. Humans, however, are more flexible, and can therefore adapt easier. This is what we must now do with divorce, apparently. Of course, being soft on the outside also makes us more vulnerable to be hurt physically…and emotionally…blah blah blah. They also go on to say we should see our partners as our teachers, helping us to evolve into better, more “spiritual” (helloooooo New Age, Oprah spirituality!) beings. Thanks Dr. Sadeghi and Dr. Sami, but I just don’t buy it.

If you want to read the rest of this garbage, follow the link above and check it out for yourself.

I’m a newly married man (since June 15th), and so I would be foolish if I claimed to be anything but a rookie when it comes to marriage. I am heartbroken over the statistics, especially the fact that Christians seem to be getting divorced at the same rate as everyone else. I believe this has killed our credibility to speak into a culture that is struggling to figure out how real relationships work.

However, here are a couple things I’ve learned over the last several months. 1) Marriage is difficult and takes work 2) Marriage is totally worth it. What we don’t need is some sort of pseudo-scientific spirituality fluff that sticks the blame on evolution, thus allowing us to break free of our “till death do us part” commitments. In a culture that continues to struggle over understanding what marriage truly is, we need real answers based on solid foundations.

I know many will disagree with me, but I find that what God has spoken through His Scriptures is still the most solid basis for marriage you will find. Not just “one man and one woman for life,” but also “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church” and the entire born-again, Christ-centered, God-honoring, biblical worldview that comes with it. People are struggling in their marriages because they are struggling with all the other things the Bible tells us to do. Does this mean we throw in the towel and quit, blaming it on our long lives, of all things? Funny, I would think that most people who get divorced aren’t the 70-year-olds who have “outlived” their commitment, but rather those who simply gave up along the way.

Now, hear me out, I understand that we live in a broken world, and that divorce is sometimes a sad reality as part of our lives. There is definitely not a “one explanation fits all cases” when it comes to divorce. My heart loves and breaks for many friends of mine who have gone through this tragedy. However, just because the world (and Dr. Sami and Dr. S-whoever) sets the bar so low the ants can crawl over it, doesn’t mean that we must live that way. Instead of blaming evolution, or old age, or any other of the million scape-goats we could find, let’s just commit to live by a higher standard. We won’t all achieve it. In fact, chances are when you set the bar high you will fall more often than not. But let’s at least aim for it. Who knows? With God’s help, we may actually reach it.

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