“The Social Animal” Book Review

David Brooks, The Social Animal: The Hidden Sources of Love, Character, and Achievement (New York: Random House, 2012).

I’m not normally a fan of mixing fiction and non-fiction into whatever hybrid Frankenstein genre that is. I like to get lost in a fiction world or dig into a non-fiction book for nuggets of interesting truth. However, The Social Animal actually combines both very well, and it surprised me. In fact, I think it was a stronger book because of this approach.

Brooks’ main point is similar to what I’ve seen from psychologists like Jonathan Haidt (The Happiness Hypothesis) and Daniel Kahneman (Thinking Fast and Slow), as well as philosophers like James K. A. Smith (You Are What You Love). Namely, that we are driven by our inner emotions/desires/loves more than our intellect/reason/logic. There is a whole lot going on beneath the surface of our conscious mind. We usually don’t even recognize it, but it is driving us to act the way we do. “We are primarily the products of thinking that happen below the level of awareness” (viii). This does not mean we don’t also make rational conscious decisions. However, these are greatly influenced by our interpretation of the world, brought to us through our senses as we experience it. “These signals don’t control our lives, but they shape our interpretation of the world and they guide us, like a spiritual GPS, as we chart our courses. If the general thinks in data and speaks in prose, the scouts crystalize with emotion, and their work is best expressed in stories, poetry, music, image, prayer, and myth” (x).

Over the course of the book, the author tells the fictional tale of two individuals and their journey through birth, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, etc., as well as milestones like education, marriage (to each other), and career opportunities. What makes things interesting is that he’ll pause along the way to explain what is going on “beneath the surface.” What might seem like a fairly typical first date is actually hundreds of things happening that the two love-birds are not consciously aware of. It was fascinating to see the various conclusions from psychological research play out in the lives of this fictional couple.

Here are some interesting quotes I pulled out along the way…

“People who lack emotion don’t lead well-planned lives in the manner of cooly rational Mr. Spocks. They lead foolish lives.” (19)

“Marital satisfaction generally follows a U-shaped curve. Couples are deliriously happy during the first years of marriage. Their self-reported satisfaction declines and bottoms out when their children hit adolescence, then it climbs again as they enter retirement.” (26)

“People are thirty times more likely to laugh when they are with other people than when they are alone. When people are in bonding situations, laughter flows. Surprisingly, people who are speaking are 46 percent more likely to laugh during conversation than people who are listening.” (42)

“That is to say, people don’t develop first and create relationships. People are born into relationships—with parents, with ancestors—and those relationships create people. Or, to put it a different way, a brain is something that is contained within a single skull. A mind only exists within a network.” (43)

“The next clear finding from research is that people are pretty bad at judging what will make them happy. People vastly overvalue work, money, and real estate. They vastly undervalue intimate bonds and the importance of arduous challenges.” (196)

“People who have one recurrent sexual partner in a year are happier than people who have multiple partners in a year.” (196)

“If you have a successful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many professional setbacks you endure, you will be reasonably happy. If you have an unsuccessful marriage, it doesn’t matter how many career triumphs you record, you will remain significantly unfulfilled.” (197)

“Memory doesn’t actually retrieve information. It reweaves it. Things that happen later can transform your memory of something that happened before. For these and many other reasons, your unconscious data-retrieval system is notoriously unreliable.” (236)

“Marriage expert John Gottman argues that in a healthy relationship the partners make five positive comments to each other for every one negative one.” (265)

“Once they have formed an affiliation, people bend their philosophies and their perceptions of reality so they become more and more aligned with members of their political tribe […] Party affiliation often shapes values, not the other way around.” (303)

“If you get married before having children, graduate from high school, and work full-time, there is a 98 percent chance that you will not live in poverty.” (329)

“We work harder to avoid losses than to achieve gains.” (378)

David Brooks brings a boat-load of insights pulled from piles of research, and summarizes it in a full “circle of life” story. He often does so in a slyly witty way, which makes his writing highly enjoyable (even if he can get a little too raw in his language sometimes). Whenever you’re drawing conclusions from scientific and social research, it is likely to get dated. I’m sure that is the case with some of the studies he draws on here. However, his overall conclusions seem to be continually affirmed in our current times.

This book was one of the most influential books for me this past year, and contributed greatly to my own book I co-authored with my brother, due out next year (Straight To The Heart). Although I do not know what Brooks’ spiritual beliefs are, I also appreciated the importance and respect he gave faith along the way, while not diving too deep into the details of it.

This book will inform and challenge you; it will make sense of things you intuitively already know, and will challenge common perceptions that have become oft-repeated myths in our culture. Along the way, the fictional couple will act as a sort of mirror into your own life. We may not see everything going on beneath the surface in our own head, but we can see it more clearly in others. And we’re not so different from them.

Rating: 5/5

“Praying Circles Around The Lives of Your Children” Book Review

Mark Batterson, Praying Circles Around The Lives of Your Children, Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2014.

For those familiar with Batterson’s well-known book The Circle Maker, this is basically that…but for parents. The book is about how to pray for your kids, and I really enjoyed it.

Batterson is a great writer. You can tell he’s also a preacher, because he’s got lots of “phrases” that pop up that you just know get tossed around at his church. I often found myself a little envious at his ability to turn a catchy phrase, even if some of them bordered on being a little cheesy.

This book was a good challenge for me. It’s as much a parenting book as a prayer book. He gives his definition of success, “I want those who know me best to respect me the most.” (3) Each of us, as parents, are living out an example of faith to our children, and they see us at our best and at our worst! But it’s not just about us giving them a good example. It’s about “[making] sure the heavenly Father hears about your kids every day.” (4) We will all fail multiple times, because parenting is one of the toughest jobs out there! But our greatest mistakes also give us our greatest opportunities, because they allow us to display humility to our children by saying “I’m sorry.” He says, “You’ll never be a perfect parent, but you can be a praying parent.” (8) In an age when a multitude of parenting seminars and advice is available (a good thing!), how easy it is to forget the simple (but powerful) act of praying for our kids regularly. One of the best things about this book is that it led me to pray for my kids every time I opened it.

Praying for our children won’t happen accidentally. Batterson shares, “You do it by design, by desire, and by discipline.” (15) He also encourages us to become “prophets” for our children, because “The right word spoken at the right time can make an eternal difference.” (43) Through prayer, God can help us to know how to speak life into our kids at those opportune moments. Also, “There is a fine line between your will and God’s will. Make sure you are praying His will for your children, not yours.” (48)

Batterson also speaks about praying the promises of God. This is a good starting place, when we don’t know what else to pray. Additionally, “Don’t just pray defensively that your children won’t do anything wrong; pray that they’ll do something right.” (64) Sometimes, we can be quick to correct them in their wrong-doing, but slow to catch them in their right-doing. There may be times when we need to pray that the Holy Spirit would convict their hearts when the last person they want to hear from is us! This can be the difference between “fighting with your kids instead of fighting for them.” (112) The Holy Spirit can “bring the conviction that leads to confession.” (112) That’s His job, and He’s good at it.

When times are tough, it can be tempting to simply ask God to remove all pain and hardship from our kids’ lives. But Batterson shares, “More than anything, I want my children to be conformed to the image of Christ. And that means I sometimes need to pray get them through versus get them out prayers!” (120) We want to see them mature into a faith of their own, not just a blind following of ours. He says, “One of the greatest responsibilities of parenthood is praying for your kids, but an even greater responsibility is teaching your kids to pray. Don’t just pray for them; pray with them.” (136)

Ultimately, “the parent is the priest and the home is the temple” (179) when it comes to leading our children in faith. We want our homes to be spaces where our kids hear about and experience the power and goodness of God. On our church planting journey, it has been fun for us to help the kids see God at work. When God miraculously provided our house, before we moved in, the kids would yell “Thank you God!” every time we drove by. They didn’t know all the details, but they knew this was God’s provision. Batterson says, “Identifying teachable moments starts with capitalizing on the times when your kids are a captive audience.” (180) Recently, I’ve started doing devotions with my 3 boys while they are tucked into their beds (they all share a room). I seat myself by their door, so they really are a “captive” audience! Some of the best opportunities to talk about the things of God have come out of these short meetings before bed.

Batterson concludes with this: “As parents, we need the patience of the planter, the oversight of the farmer, and the mind-set of the sower.” (193) Parenting is no easy calling! I think what I liked most about this book is that it didn’t make me feel like a failure (that feeling comes naturally enough), but was an encouragement to be more intentional with my kids’ spiritual journeys. I want them to grow up to know and love God with their whole hearts. I cannot do that for them, and I will certainly not display a perfect example! But I’m thankful I can talk to God on their behalf, and bring these concerns to the One that loves them even more than I do.

Rating: 5/5

“Everybody Lies” Book Review

Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are by Seth Stephens-Davidowitz

How do surveyors know they are collecting accurate data? When your primary mode of gathering information is by asking people questions, there is much room for error, especially when you’re dealing with subjects that are private or taboo. It turns out, people are not very willing to divulge the worst of themselves to another individual! Everybody lies.

To get around this problem, the author looks to “Big Data.” Specifically, what Google searches reveal about ourselves that we might never share publicly. Google functions as a sort of online diary for many people in our current culture. They confess to Google private matters that they may not be truthful about in conversations with real people. There are many reasons to lie to others, but most people see no reason to lie to their computer.

With access to data collected through Google, researchers can find out what it is people are really thinking. This provides a fascinating look into controversial questions. For example, the common narrative that racism is most heavily concentrated in the American South and among the Republican party is challenged by the findings of Big Data. Racist Google searches (using racial slurs, looking up racist jokes, etc.) are often highest in places such as upstate New York, western Pennsylvania, eastern Ohio, industrial Michigan and rural Illinois (7). The author argues that the true racism divide is not between North and South, but between East and West. “You don’t get this sort of thing much west of Mississippi” (8). Also, “Racist searches were no higher in places with a high percentage of republicans than in places with a high percentage of Democrats” (8)

Researchers can specify certain word combinations, and pair that with geographical location to get more specific information. For example, the author explores what people typically search when they find out their wife is pregnant. What most often follows “My wife is pregnant…”? Well, it varies depending on where you live. American’s making the search are typically more worried (“…what do I do?”) while Latin countries seem to be more thoughtful towards their wives (“…how do I help her feel beautiful?”).

You can also learn a lot about age demographics by the words they use most frequently on the internet, which differ between generations. He summarizes a graphic displaying all these words as “Drink. Work. Pray. In people’s teens, they’re drinking. In their twenties, they are working. In their thirties onward, they are praying” (86).

We can also peek into the minds of those who have children vs. those who do not. As it turns out, “People are seven times more likely to ask Google whether they will regret not having children than whether they will regret having children” (111). However, “Adults with children are 3.6 times more likely to tell Google they regret their decision than are adults without children” (111).

The questions to ask are endless. What do people most often search during the coldest days of the year? What do people search after a terrorist attack? What are the most common questions teenagers are asking Google? What are the common questions senior adults are asking? For that matter, one question I had (that never got answered) was, What are the most common demographics to even use Google? To me, it seems that the whole data set used for any of these questions are going to be limited to those who are using Google the most.

The author believes that this new way of using data will usher in a revolution in research method. He may overstate his case (the whole book has the air of someone who is really excited to have his first book published). But he may also be on to something. Methods like “A/B Testing” allow endless pairs to be tested against each other in order to discover which is more likely to get clicks from an audience. This is then used to target consumers, much as casinos have developed a precise science of how to get the most money out of their clients. He notes how both Romney and Obama used such methods to determine which words, pictures, etc. led to more donations on their websites.

This all brings up some ethical questions. The methods used by researchers to better personalize ads also capitalize on the same behaviors that drive addiction. We see this already with our phones and the constant scrolling and clicking they elicit from us. Similar discoveries have led streaming services like Netflix to leverage our attention for “binge watching” (ever wondering why the next episode just starts, rather than making you physically click on it?).

I enjoyed this book in some ways, but not in others. It can be fascinating in the same way as Malcolm Gladwell books are fascinating, by looking at interesting (and sometimes quirky) questions and finding unexpected answers. However, Gladwell he is not. The author, while not uninteresting, seems to lack the storytelling ability of Gladwell or the “Explain it to me like I’m 6” ability of Steven Pinker.

Additionally, he spends a lot of time talking about porn. While he brings up some interesting discoveries, he also drags you through some muck that feels a bit gratuitous. It’s understandable, since porn presents some of the largest data available online from the sheer volume of traffic. That being said, those who are easily offended by sexual material and racist words will want to skip large sections of the book.

In the end, I’m always fascinated by books that help us better understand human behavior. The big take-away—that humans lie to everyone except Google—is a good one. For me as a pastor, it makes me ask, “What is it about human nature that causes us to lie so easily to each other?” We can see that right from the very beginning in Genesis, with Adam and Eve hiding from God after falling into sin. Lies often cling to shame. The author also left me with some great pieces of info that challenge common assumptions. I think he’s definitely on to something when he declares that this new way of doing research will be a turning point for how we handle information in our bloated “Information Age.” How we will ultimately navigate the ethical issues is yet to be seen.

Rating: 3 out of 5.

“Competing Spectacles” by Tony Reinke – Book Review

I’m fascinated by the effect of technology on us, especially in the form of media.

Author Tony Reinke’s main point is that we live in a world that seeks our attention by giving us “spectacles.” Perhaps the most obvious way to see this is in the blockbuster superhero movie phase that even now is beginning to seem stale as the CGI wizardry that once wowed us now makes our eyes glaze over. Why? In part, because it is often empty; spectacle without depth or meaning. Flashing lights that grab our eyes, but leave our minds and hearts empty.

Reinke notes, “In a consumer society, images are the language of transaction. Images aim to provoke something in us in order to get something from us.” (12) At the cineplex, this is undoubtedly our money. However, the images of social media have the same goal. Do you remember when Facebook and Twitter were primarily text-driven? The old-school Facebook status template used to start every post with “(your name) is…” and then you would write what you were doing, thinking, or feeling. Scroll through your timeline now and you’ll almost exclusively find images. Why? Because images grab our attention, and the more social media can get us to stay on their app through endless scrolling, the more money they make on advertising. In the end, the images provided to us through their ever-evolving algorithm grip our attention and our wallets.

Spectacles are everywhere, competing for our attention. This is important because, “…we’re not simply creatures of our environment. We are creatures shaped by what grabs our attention—and what we give our attention to becomes our objective and subjective reality […] We become like what we watch.” (19) I used to ask young adults struggling to make their relationships work what kind of tv shows they were watching and how often. Not surprisingly, hours and hours of “The Batchelor” were re-shaping the way they understood and approached relationships. This cannot be counter-balanced by a short 10-minute devotional time in Scripture every other morning.

In selfies, we become both “spectator and star.” (23) If that is not enough, we can watch our own “performance” in real-time through video games. It becomes an endless loop of synaptic pleasures that lends itself to addictive behavior. “In our most addictive media, we become the spectacle.” (27)

Much like the ads invading our social media “feeds” (itself an interesting word choice, as we hungrily devour them), images all around us produce desires they then seek to fulfill. “The consumer does not have to want anything before entering the shopping mall because it is designed to cultivate desire for her, and it provides her with the products she needs to consummate the desire it has produced.” (34) Our problem is, the overabundance of spectacles in our lives are making us jaded, so that images must become “fresher and brasher” in order to compete against each other for our attention. (35) This is especially true in our age of shrinking attention spans (which fleet every 9 seconds). (55)

So, how can we operate as disciples of Jesus within an age of competing spectacles? For one, we can recapture the “in between” moments of our day that our phones are currently holding hostage. Reinke observes, “Praying without ceasing claims the momentary transitions in our day, the rare empty moments of silence, and turns our attention on God himself, moments now plundered and carried off by digital media.” (67)

In our age of empty spectacles, the church can offer something deeper. We can point to that which is transcendent—an experience of God through worship. “Our spectacles are intended to enchant the imagination, not entertain the eye.” (104) The church competes with Hollywood at our own peril. We are not offering the same solution to our universal longing for transcendent worship. What do people encounter when they connect to our churches? Simply what the world also offers, just packaged differently? Or, do we offer fulfillment for their greatest desires? Genuine community? An experiential encounter with the divine? Miracles? The world does not provide what the Kingdom of God does.

In the most ironic turn of events in history, a Roman cross was turned from a spectacle of scorn to a spectacle of glory. What drew peoples’ eyes in morbid fascination to instill fear and submission now sets people free. “Biblical ethics is not about simply avoiding corrupting things, but learning to see and enjoy and embrace eternal things that truly bring meaning and purpose and joy into our lives.” (114) Spectacles demand something from us. What will we give them? Looking towards our future glory with Christ in heaven, Reinke declares, “From the first moment when we behold the permanently transfigured Christ, the great glory-Spectacle of cosmic history, we will carry within us the manifestation of Christ’s beauty as our own.” (149) Now that’s a spectacle worthy of our gaze

Book Review: “Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology and Less From Each Other” by Sherry Turkle

What impact does technology have on all our personal relationships? Social Media and Sociable Robots may claim to add something to our relational lives, but what do they require from us in return? How do they change the way we understand words like “social,” “relationship,” or “friendship?” Sherry Turkle brilliantly takes the reader through this complicated world and seeks to ask poignant questions about the tools of technology, and whom is actually using whom.

Early on, Turkle notes, “Technology is seductive when it offers to meet our human vulnerabilities. And as it turns out, we are very vulnerable indeed. We are lonely but fearful of intimacy. Digital connections and the sociable robot may offer the illusion of companionship without the demands of friendship. Our networked life allows us to hide from each other, even as we are tethered to each other.” (1)

Much of her research at MIT has focused on our use of robots, and how we integrate them into everyday life. What potential might these hold, for good or for bad? If a robot takes the place of a caregiver to the elderly, is that option “better than nothing”, if there is a shortage of human workers? Can robots actually provide better care if the element of “human error” is removed? A robot can care for an elderly person around the clock without needing to sleep or eat themselves. In places like Japan, many elderly parents may mourn the lack of time their adult children have for them, but are starting to grow emotionally attached to their robot caregivers who are there. Are robots the solution to this problem, or are they a bandaid to cover up our lives that have become so busy we no longer have time for those that gave us life in the first place? There seems to be a vast difference in a robot that can meet physical needs and those that can meet social needs. If we are driven by our pragmatism, what areas of life will robots not be welcomed? If they can care for our aging parents, should they also care for our growing children? Interestingly, babies will actually forgo food in favor of physical (skin on skin) touch. Is our reaction to then put “skin” on robots, or to delve deeper into the reasons why this is the case?

Much of what Turkle explores is between what we want technology to do, and what is actually does. She says, “Connectivity technologies once promised to give us more time. But as the cell phone and smartphone eroded boundaries between work and leisure, all the time in the world was not enough. Even when we are not ‘at work,’ we experience ourselves as ‘on call’; pressed, we want to edit out complexity and ‘cut to the chase.'” (13) There used to be clearer distinctions between “the office” and “the home.” If those are fading, certain areas of our lives will collapse in on themselves, vying for our time and attention (which is a limited resource).

Throughout this book, Turkle recounts many encounters she experienced during her research. We look at the responses from real people across the age spectrum, from young kids to college students to older adults. Each is living with technology in various ways, wanting it to meet foundational humans needs. Sometimes, younger adults see the dangers and lament a time from the past when social technology was not so prevalent. Interestingly, for many of these young people, the time they long for was actually before they were born! In some cases, individuals are choosing to intentionally limit or fast from certain technologies. Almost always, as hard as it may be to initiate, these fish swimming upstream have no regrets about these empowering choices.

When we step back from the third-party “chaperones” of social technology, we come to discover new dynamics to personal relationships that we forgot. When it comes to robots, they shape us to view relationships in ways that often legitimize their existence, but not necessarily ours. Turkle says, “…it also suggests a fantasy in which we cheapen the notion of companionship to a baseline of ‘interacting with something.’ We reduce relationship and come to see this reduction as the norm.” (55) She also notes, “A machine taken as a friend demeans what we mean by friendship.” (101)

One of the other things that our constant technological companions take from us is the value of solitude. Sit in a waiting room and people-watch. Everyone is on their phones. It can be awkward to be the outlier who brings a book to a waiting room! We have developed habits of reaching for our phones every few seconds to check for notifications, even if our phone hasn’t beeped or buzzed to let us know there is a notification. Turkle observes, “In solitude we don’t reject the world but have the space to think our own thoughts. But if your phone is always with you, seeking solitude can look suspiciously like hiding.” (203)

Turkle is a thoughtful and engaging writer. Even though the book is long (300 pages), I never felt bored. My one criticism is that I was not always interested in “seeing her homework,” as when she recounts many conversations and observations from the social laboratories of her research. I was far more interested in what her thoughts on those interactions were. What conclusions did she come to after processing it all? That’s not a criticism, mostly just a preference on my part.

Another caveat is that this book was written in 2010 and, given the rapid growth of its subject matter, makes it almost ancient! However, she is an expert in this field and like others (Neil Postman) her thoughts on technology remain insightful and prophetic. I would have loved to read more of her thoughts on phones and less on social robots. However, the world of robots was very foreign to me, so I was introduced to a fascinating world (going all the way back to Tamagotchis, which I remember!). With the increasing conversations today around AI, the questions she raises have only become more relevant.

Interestingly, much of this technology is still new. Technology does not just mean “digital.” Think of how long other tools of have been around. We’ve had a long time to figure out how these things integrate into our lives. Internet? Social media? Cell phones? Not so much. In fact, these things (in the grand scheme of technology) are still in their infancy. The bad news is that this stuff is already prevalent in our lives, and so completely stepping away is not a viable option. The good news? We still have time to figure out what place we want them to have in our lives. You may not know many people without a cell phone or internet access, but we can become people who limit those things. Turkle challenges us, “We deserve better. When we remind ourselves that it is we who decide how to keep technology busy, we shall have better.” (296)

Rating 4/5

Book Review: “Atomic Habits” by James Clear

This is one of the most influential books I’ve read so far this year. It is filled with practical advice, and I just bought a bunch of copies to give out to our church.

The premise of the book is that “changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you’re willing to stick with them for years.” (7) Change (for good or bad) rarely happens overnight. Instead, it develops gradually over time. This can be positive or negative. Often our our bad habits are formed unintentionally over time, but our good habits we must be intentional about. Why does this matter? Because, for better or worse, we are our habits—far more than we are our hopes and dreams, likes or dislikes.

One of the ways Clear structures his argument is by distinguishing between goals and systems. Winners and losers both have the same goals, so obviously having goals is not enough. He writes, “Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results.” (23) The other issue with goals is that they “only change your life for a moment.” (25) You lose the 20 pounds and then celebrate by pounding a liter of cookie dough ice cream! With goals, you’re “continually putting off happiness until the next milestone.” (26) You do not set up yourself with ongoing, long-term structures that keep you in the place you want to be. He states, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” (27) The good news is that once habits are established, they tend to stick around (have you ever tried to break a bad habit? They are very sticky!).

One of the most important ways you are successful in changing your habits is by tying them to your identity. Clear notes that many people start with what they want to achieve (run a 5k) rather than who they want to become (a healthy person). Your habits then become the way you “embody your identity.” (36) The new “evidence” needed to convince yourself of your new identity requires two steps: 1) Decide the type of person you want to be. 2) Prove it to yourself with small wins. (39)

What is a habit anyway? As humans, our brains are always seeking patterns to better solve the problems we face. Something that is not a habit requires a lot of focus and energy to achieve. Something that is a habit has become more automatic. Clear says, “Your habits are just a series of automatic solutions that solve the problems and stresses you face regularly.” (45) Habits free up the brain to focus on other things. The science behind how habits work follows four steps over time: Cue, Craving, Response, Reward. (47) The cue triggers your brain to initiate a behavior (ex. you see the donuts in the break room). Craving is how your body interprets the cue (ex. you remember how much you love donuts and your mouth begins to salivate). Response is how you react to the cue and craving (ex. you reach for the donut…). Lastly, Reward is what ultimately satisfies the craving (ex. you pound the donut). Food might be an easy example, but the same process occurs all the time in countless other scenarios. Clear divides the 4 steps in half: Cue and Craving are the “Problem Phase,” Response and Reward are the “Solution Phase.” (51) This pattern is continually happening in our lives every day. Realizing it and using it to our advantage is what helps us to change our habits.

How do we do that? Work with these steps to create good habits or decrease bad ones. This is the meat of the book, which he unpacks in the remaining chapters. For good habits: 1) Make it obvious (Cue) 2) Make it attractive (Craving) 3) Make it easy (Response) 4) Make it satisfying (Reward). For bad habits, flip things around: 1) Make it invisible (Cue) 2) Make it unattractive (Craving) 3) Make it difficult (Response) 4) Make it unsatisfying (Reward). (54)

What has this looked like for me? I’m trying to stay consistent with my habit of exercise. I used to keep my workout shoes in my closet. I came to realize that my biggest battle to working out is putting on the shoes (…and shorts). Once I’m changed, it’s guaranteed I’ll do the workout. So why would I want to make this process more difficult? Out came the shoes from the closet and they began to live in the middle of my office floor (with my shorts). Throughout the day I was literally tripping over them. That’s a good Cue!

Making it Attractive is about wanting to do it. I don’t want to exercise, but I do want to have a protein smoothie afterwards. I determine that I only drink protein smoothies after I exercise. This works because scientists have found that the body actually releases more dopamine (the “feel good hormone”) in anticipation of the event than the participation of it. In other words, wanting the donut makes you happier than actually eating the donut. Weird, huh? You also make things attractive by re-framing the way you think about them. For exercise, viewing it as an opportunity to “gain muscle” or “melt fat” is more attractive than “Make my body ache!”

Then comes the Response. This is where we “make it easy.” In fact, “habits form based on frequency, not time.” (145) If you want to run a 5k, it’s better to run 1k three times in the week than attempting to run the whole thing once in the week. Break it into chunks and practice those chunks consistently, more often. For me, I made working out “easier” when Sarah and I bought a weight set and signed up for a program we could do at home, rather than driving to the gym. For some, the gym is the right “environment” to be their cue. For us, the convenience mattered more. If I had to get in my car and drive to the gym, I’d probably rarely do it.

On occasions where I do go to the gym, I tap into the final step (Reward) by getting to use the hot tub afterwards. Delayed gratification is hard, so the rewards work best if they are immediate.

To kill bad habits, simply do the inverse of all these steps. For example, if you want to watch less TV, remove the Cue by putting the remote (or the TV!) somewhere out of sight when not using it (this is a way to “change your environment”). Remove the Craving by highlighting the good things you’ll gain instead of spending that time in front of the TV (“more time to _____). Help your response by making it difficult (put the remote somewhere hard to access like the attic). Finally, one way to make it unrewarding is to make it cost you something. He suggests writing out a “Habit Contract” with someone who can keep you accountable. Figure out what the punishment will be (“If I don’t exercise ____ times this week, I don’t get ‘treat day’ on Saturday”) and then have people hold you to your contract. This seems like a good idea in theory, but this is one section of the book I feel he could have expanded on. How else can we make the “cost” more immediate? Like any of the rest of it, a lot hangs on our own choice. We can choose to not do our habit, and even to reward our bad behavior, if we so desire. At the end of the day, Clear is not teaching us how to go through life on “auto-pilot,” but he does give plenty of advice that can help make the habit-forming process more effective.

Another helpful tip Clear offers is the idea of “habit stacking” (72). This is where you take a habit you’ve already formed, and hitch to it the habit you’re trying to form. For example, if you’re in the habit of making coffee every morning already, but want to pray more, determine that “after I ______, I will ______.” In this case, you pray after making your coffee each morning. If you already make your bed every morning, but you want to read more, set a book on your pillow after making your bed. When night comes, your book is right there ready to go as a Cue for your desired habit.

Another insight Clear has is about “environment.” Many of the people we consider to be the most “disciplined” or “self-controlled” are simply good at choosing the right environments. He says, “Your habits change depending on the room you are in and the cues in front of you.” (82) Self-controlled people are often better at putting themselves in situations that don’t require a ton of self-control (like the person tempted by too much alcohol making it a point to avoid the liquor store). This is why “impulse buying” is so tempting while in the checkout at the grocery store. All those snacks are right in front of you., and there is no way to avoid them! On the flip side, if you want to exercise more, getting yourself in the right environment (ie the gym, outside, etc.) is one of your biggest battles. Once you’re there, you might as well exercise like everyone else! Herd mentality kicks in to help us.

This book is filled with practical advice that can be used in any number of contexts. For me, I’m going to implement it at our church in the area of “discipleship.” I also bought copies of You Are What You Love to be read in tandem with this one (see my review on that book for more info). Love provides the “why” and Atomic Habits provides the “how.” The goal is for people to practice certain actions (together as a church we plan to look at one thing each month) until they become habits. These habits then form structures that go with us wherever we go, and set us up for spiritual growth in the short term and the long term. It’s not about asking “What can the church provide for my spiritual growth each week?” but the more mature question of “Do I have a rhythm of life that fosters spiritual growth every day, not just an hour on Sundays when someone is spoon-feeding it to me?”

This book is worth your time.

Rating: 5/5

Book Review: “You Are What You Love” by James K. A. Smith

Every so often you read a book that significantly reframes how you think towards a topic. This book gave me a lot of “Yes!” moments. Smith’s take on Christian discipleship struck a chord with me and has greatly influenced my current view of how people are wired and how we change.

I’ve had an interest in the interplay we see in ourselves as both rational and emotional creatures. Turns out we’re not rational people with emotions, but emotional creatures that sometimes use reason. If you see humans as primarily driven by reason and logic, then your approach to education (and for the church, “discipleship”) will be heavily focused on “depositing ideas and beliefs into mind-containers.” (3) Smith says, “We assume that a disciple is a learner who is acquiring more information about God through the Scriptures—that serious discipleship is really discipleship of the mind.” (4) But what if we are driven more by what we love than what we think? He asks, “What if you are defined not by what you know but by what you desire?” (7) This would help to explain why we can so often dispense a lot of knowledge that never seems to lead to life-change. It doesn’t mean that knowledge is unimportant, but our rational thinking is not primarily what drives us.

By our very nature, we are creatures created to love. It’s not a question of if we love, but what we love. And that love or desire will determine the telos (goal/purpose) our lives are aimed at. According to Smith, everyone has a vision of what they perceive to be “the good life” that they want for themselves. Our lives are lived in pursuit of that vision. However, our desires are also “operating under the hood of our consciousness, so to speak.” (12) What we love and what we say we love are not always the same thing. He says, “You are what you love because you live toward what you want.” (13) If this is the case, then discipleship becomes less about simply dispensing information and more about properly directing our loves and desires. This can be seen as developing “virtues” (moral habits). Virtues are not just what you think (or know) you are supposed to act like; they are your actual habits of behavior. You may value “kindness” but when someone is unkind to you, what is your gut response? If it’s not kindness, then kindness has not yet become a “virtue” for you. He summarizes, “In short, if you are what you love, and love is a habit, then discipleship is a rehabituation of your loves. This means that discipleship is more a matter of reformation than of acquiring information.” (19)

So, how do we learn to love properly? Not by just gaining more information, but through practices that form habits. The truth is, we are being formed (whether we realize it or not) all the time by various “cultural liturgies.” All around us are messages proclaiming different versions of “the good life,” and these are continually influencing our loves. Smith gives a fascinating example of the shopping mall, and all the ways in which the mall reinforces a certain vision of “the good life” that shapes our own worldview. He also points out the many ways in which these “secular liturgies” have influenced the church. In response, we need to create healthy spiritual liturgies within our churches to help guide and shape peoples’ loves towards God’s version of “the good life” (operating within what Jesus called “The Kingdom of God”). He notes, “Christian worship…is essentially a counterformation to those rival liturgies we are often immersed in, cultural practices that covertly capture our loves and longings, miscalibrating them, orienting us to rival versions of the good life.” (25)

Another interesting observation Smith notes is how we don’t necessarily love the things we think we love. Our daily habits reveal what we really love. By “love” he seems to mean those things we value (even worship) in our lives, that lie beneath the surface of our consciousness. This is part of Paul’s frustration when he laments, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” (Romans 7:15) In fact, it’s estimated that only about 5% of our actions in any given day are a deliberate “choice” in our conscious awareness; the rest are made on a sort of auto-pilot based on our subconscious or intuition.

So, what does this mean for education, moral formation, discipleship, etc.? It means that we must change our habits, and habits are mostly changed by implementing various practices. This is why we must be intentional about what we do in church for worship. We are being formed by these practices, often without even being aware. How a worship room is set up “says something” to those who enter it, the same way that a shopping mall does. The way we learn is often more “caught” than “taught.” Smith points out that oftentimes the messages our church rooms/buildings give off are not ones that draw people into a place of worship that is different from their experiences in the world, but are rather trying to emulate what we experience in the world (concerts, TED Talks, recreation centers, etc.). I appreciated him highlighting the importance of inter-generational worship, which we have attempted to do at our church by having all ages (except those under 3) in the service together. The kids may not understanding everything that is said in the service, but they are certainly taking it all in observationally and experientially. This is especially true with teenagers, and Smith decries our obsession with “entertaining” youth in ways that differ very little from the many secular liturgies they experience outside of church. The “unspoken” message in these scenarios is often that church is fairly irrelevant, or that the gospel we offer must first be dressed up to be accepted, like a “spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down.”

I loved this book. It’s right in the “sweet spot” of how my own views have been shaped lately by the prominence of our affections as opposed to our reason. Much that I’ve read recently from psychologists like Johnathan Haidt and Daniel Kahneman are reflected here, and I’m sure that another book I just started reading (Atomic Habits by James Clear) will line up as well. His observations about how media shapes us reminded me of Neil Postman’s warnings in Amusing Ourselves to Death where the medium of technology/entertainment often is the message. We are constantly being formed (“discipled”) by something. Are we even aware of what we worship with our lives?

If you want an interesting framework for how we operate as humans and how the church can approach discipleship, this is a must-read.

Rating: 5/5

Book Review: “David and Goliath” by Malcolm Gladwell

The biblical story of David and Goliath is pretty commonly known around the world, at least in its basic form. This classic “underdog” tale has been recreated a million times in everything from the “Mighty Ducks” movies to The Lord of the Rings trilogy. There is something universally appealing about an individual or team overcoming the odds stacked against them to bring about a shocking victory. I, for one, never get sick of it!

Malcolm Gladwell has made an extremely successful career of looking at things from new angles. He loves to take “conventional wisdom” and flip it on its head. He applies his formula again in this book as he draws from psychology, history, and a number of anecdotal examples to weave a captivating story on “the art of battling giants.”

Gladwell’s premise is simple: What if the very things that make someone an “underdog” can actually be turned around to give them an advantage? And what if those qualities that seem to give “Goliath” the advantage also reveal his biggest weakness?

Gladwell first applies these questions to the classic biblical story. Basically, Goliath is a huge man (likely suffering from a physical disorder that hinders his gross motor skills as well as his eyesight), but he is also decked out head to toe in armor. An intimidating sight for any soldier to confront! In fact, any man who would face him in a sword battle is bound to lose simply because they cannot get close enough to do any damage before Goliath’s long reach takes their head off! But why do we assume we should get close? Why play by Goliath’s rules? David doesn’t. By using a sling in battle, he is essentially “bringing a gun to a knife fight.” David can sling rocks the size of golf balls at Goliath, with deadly accuracy, a dozen times before Goliath gets within arms reach. Goliath, as it turns out, never stood a chance!

Gladwell then applies this same logic to several other areas. He tells the story of an immigrant father who volunteers to coach his daughter’s basketball team. Being an “outsider” to the game of basketball, he has the advantage of seeing things in a new way. Cursed with a team of short white girls, he implements the “full court press.” Rather than trying to compete with the competition head-on in a battle of skill (facing Goliath toe-to-toe), his team of misfits does the unexpected…and racks up the wins. Their unconventional strategy catches every other team by surprise, and takes away Goliath’s advantage each time. So, why doesn’t everyone use the full court press method? Gladwell notes, “To play by David’s rules you have to be desperate. You have to be so bad that you have no choice.” (34) In other words, the very thing that seemingly gives you a disadvantage also helps you to approach the problem from a different angle.

Advantages often operate on an inverted u-curve. In other words, something may be an advantage for a while…until it becomes a disadvantage. He uses the example of money and parenting. Obviously, having enough money to not be in poverty is a good thing. But at a certain point money stops giving an advantage (a salary around $75,000 per year). Parents who had to learn life-skills by necessity now have the temptation to make their children’s’ lives easier, thus costing them those same learning opportunities. It’s one thing to tell your child “We can’t buy this”; it’s a lot harder to say, “I won’t buy this.”

What about college education? Gladwell tells the story of a young lady who dreamed of going to an Ivy League school. When she finally gets her wish, it turns out to be a disaster. Where once she had been the top of her high school class, she was now a small fish in a big pond, earning grades near the middle of her peers. She experienced “relative deprivation,” in which she became depressed not because she was stupid (she definitely wasn’t stupid) but because she felt stupid. She didn’t compare herself to the millions of other college students in the country; she compared herself to the those in her immediate context who seemed to have a much better grasp than she did. Sadly, she dropped out of pursuing her career. Her experience is not uncommon. Gladwell makes the case that it is sometimes better to be a “big fish in a small pond” rather than a “small fish in a big pond.” Had this young lady pursued her education in a place that built up, rather than torn down, her confidence, she likely would have graduated and ended up in the career of her choice. If the Ivy League causes you to drop out of the race, then whatever perceived advantages it would have offered suddenly become meaningless. This student tried to face Goliath head-on, and lost.

There are many other great stories, but I would encourage you to go read them for yourself. Gladwell is sometimes criticized for his “anecdotal” style, where he finds a few compelling examples and then uses his gift of storytelling to make broad points that may not be supported as strongly as he makes them out to be. That may be true, but he also draws upon quite a bit of data from experts in their fields. What I love about Gladwell is his ability to synthesize information to shed light on interesting topics. Many of the studies he mentions would bore most of us to death, so he spins their results in a way that makes it interesting and relevant to us. His point is not that underdogs always have the advantage. His goal is to get us looking at problems in a new way. We should not count ourselves out too soon. The Goliaths around us may seem to have all the advantages, but that’s only if we play by their rules. It makes me think of Paul writing, “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” (1 Corinthians 1:27)

I’ve read every book Gladwell has written, and this is perhaps my favorite.

Rating: 5/5

Book Review: “The Fellowship of the Ring”

I love fantasy books, and have for a long time. I’ve only read “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy once, when I was a teenager, so it is my goal to revisit all three this year. With all the hype and praise given to these books, and a trilogy of extremely successful movies imbedded into the “greatest hits” of pop culture, do these books still hold up? Does a hobbit have hairy feet? (answer: YES)

Tolkien created a richly crafted world like no other. Things that get a passing mention in The Fellowship of the Ring have entire histories behind them (found elsewhere in Tolkien’s writings) that rival the classic Greek myths in their epicness. While C.S. Lewis loved to throw every kind of fantastical creature imaginable into his Narnia books, each of the many characters in Tolkien’s work seems to have an important reason for being there. From elves to trolls to dwarfs to hobbits to whatever Tom Bombadil is, Middle Earth is a richly imaginative world brought about by the care and attention of a nerd to rival all other nerds.

It’s impossible not to see the influence this work has had on other notable fantasy series, and books like The Eye of the World (first in wildly successful “The Wheel of Time” series) borrow from it almost beat-for-beat. It is at once a classic road trip story, coming of age tale, clash of civilizations war epic, Greek heroic tragedy, and many other things all at once (not to mention a collection of original songs and poetry that are better than 99.99999999% of modern pop music). For me, it’s also a great example of the famous “Hero’s Journey” by Joseph Campbell of a “nobody” who is called out of the comfort of their familiar home into the dangerous unknown for an adventure, facing trials alongside mentors and allies, that will forever change them for their journey home (and that’s just Bill the Pony!).

The writing style is older, and you can see where (and why) certain changes were made for the movie adaptation. However, it’s incredibly refreshing to have these characters speak with a sense of gravitas. I can’t express how much I hate the trend of adding “modern” (read: sarcastic, MCU-style, cynical, etc.) language into high fantasy stories to try and draw in a wider audience. It’s a fundamental misunderstanding of the “it” factor that makes these stories “timeless” in the first place. No amount of petty high-school banter is going to add to what an imaginatively rich story brings (Willow tv series, I will never forgive you).

In a modern age that feels as though everything has to be “gritty” and “grounded in realism” and “speak to modern issues,” it’s nice to know that the greatest fantasy series of all time transcends all that. Was Tolkien influenced by issues in his own day? Well, World Wars are no joke, and certainly lodged into his brain and life, so it’s inevitable that parallels come out, however subconsciously the author weaved them into his story. However, the heart of the book speaks to human issues that all can relate to, no matter what moment in history we’re living in. How do I “live well” within the time allotted me? What will I sacrifice of myself so that others (friends and strangers alike) may be saved? Is it “fair” that grave responsibilities be entrusted to me and not others? What is the value of true friendship and how do I recognize it (and its opposite)? When and how do we discover our courage? What inner strength drives us forward for good when all other senses tell us to turn back?

One could critique how many details are alluded to in passing that may add richness to the story for the fantasy nerd, but could be confusing for the casual reader. One could desire to have more female characters in what is predominantly a story populated by men. There are other criticisms that can (and have) been made. Luckily for all those people, there are million lesser works they can go read to get their fill of whatever it is they’re looking for. If you want to read the GOAT of high fantasy, give this one a read (and a watch) and see what you think.

I, for one, can’t wait to revisit the The Two Towers next.

Rating: 5/5

Book Review: “The Magna Carta of Humanity” by Os Guinness

Os Guinness is greatly influenced by the late Francis Schaeffer and is well-respected by those of us who are into “Worldview” studies. In this book, he compares and contrasts two revolutions: The American and the French. His main point is that America, if it wants to preserve any sense of freedom, would be wise to draw from the wisdom of a third revolution: The covenant between God and the Israelites made at Mount Sinai and recorded in the book of Exodus.

Guinness notes that “…the present crisis stems from the fact that over the last fifty years, major spheres of American society have shifted their loyalties and now support ideas that are closer to the French Revolution and its heirs rather than the American Revolution.” (3) The main issues he addresses in the book can be summarized by this shift, which he presents as this: “America cannot endure permanently half ‘1776’ and half ‘1789.’” I’m not a fan of big declarative statements of finality, in which someone pronounces eternal judgement on a nation if they don’t heed the advice found in their book. I also understand that this is often the best way to get the attention of an audience today, and pretty much anyone who speaks with nuance is subsequently ignored. So, Guinness sets himself up with a tall order to prove. Does he do so convincingly?

Guinness points to God as the “true revolutionary” who “turns the world right way up” when we are prone to “turn the world upside down.” (12) God creates order but we create disorder. He believes this is clearly seen in the Sinai covenant, and spends a good amount of time unpacking why. The type of freedom that society needs is “ordered freedom”; a balance between the extremes of authoritarianism and anarchy. Historically, not all revolutions are created equal.

In the Exodus story, the Bible clearly values freedom while standing in firm opposition to the abuse of power. It is a picture of both valuing the past as well as looking to the future. In this sense, Guinness claims, “True conservatism and true liberalism are blood brothers, not enemies.” (25) To walk this careful tightrope is not easy, but necessary, for “…freedom pursued in the wrong way all too often ends in serfdom rather than liberty.” (26)

Compared to the religious foundations of Sinai, the French Revolution stands in stark contrast, establishing a “Cult of Reason” that was every bit as “religious” as that which it sought to tear down. It seems that the religious fervor of any revolution is unavoidable; it just comes in different flavors. To better understand the theological underpinnings of Sinai, Guinness borrows much from the works of two contemporary rabbis, and offers valuable insight into a Jewish interpretation of the great Exodus story. He notes that secular ideologies always try to understand humanity by starting with ourselves, which inevitably leads to understanding us “downward,” reducing us “…to the level of nature or an animal or a machine.” (49) Starting with God, however, raises us up, understanding humanity “upward,” as made in the image of God.

Another interesting point that Guinness makes is on the importance of words. He notes that God revealed Himself to us through words, and even created the world using words. In our culture, however, words have often been cheapened. “In the Babel of our media and social media, words have been hyped, worn out, and left threadbare.” (56) He says, “There is ceaseless deconstruction, but not reconstruction. The dismantling is never followed by rebuilding.” (56) He begins to criticize the political left more and more, and likely wherever you fall on the political spectrum will determine how much you agree/disagree with what he says. This is not to say that he doesn’t offer words of critique against the right too, but he mostly see the echo of the French Revolution in the approach used by the progressive Left today.

There is much else that he says, but here are a few quotes that stood out to me.

“The people of God are to be an eternal critique of all that is wrong and a signal of transcendence pointing to a better and brighter way. They are called to be revolutionary, not reactionary, and a revolution that repairs and restores the world, turning its upside down to be the right way up.” (97)

“The first component in the cultural dynamics of sin is the temptation to suspicion of God and by implication a temptation to a deeper, wider suspicion of others and everything outside us as a threat to our freedom.” (108) He notes this suspicion is often directed against three things: boundaries, others, and the past.

“Under the philosophy of postmodernism, might always makes right. If power is the sole umpire in the game, how can ‘abuse’ be flagged as abuse when the powerful are simply being powerful and the weak are simply being weak?” (113) He notes how something like the #metoo movement can begin as an opposition to the abuse of power, but be coopted into an abuse of power itself by going on witch-hunts to ruin the lives and careers of every person that has ever made a mistake in their life. When the lines are blurred and the standards of today are retroactively applied to culture decades ago, it can create a culture of fear rather than reform.

“Liberation may take no more than a moment, but freedom is a way of life that takes longer and requires patience and persistence.” (141)

Postmodernism operates using the method of suspicion, “…because suspicion is the best way to protect against the power moves of others […] The result is that postmodernism can never create anything other than a low-trust society.” (146)

“Freedom is a gift and an inheritance, but it is also an art that requires practice, discipline, and perseverance.” (158)

Guinness notes the importance of history. One might critique him at this point and ask, “History…according to who?” But his issue is with the focus of condemning the historical sins of others rather than looking at ourselves; a sort of historical scapegoating. He says, “Never in history have so many archives been ransacked, so many witnesses deposed, so many hearings held, so many testimonies plumbed, and so many statues torn down—all on behalf of exposing ‘the sins of fathers’ rather than our own.” (195)

This can also be seen in a shift to elevate “image” over “character.” When a celebrity is caught in some sort of violation of the cultural moral rule book, they are forced to make a canned “confession” to save face (and career). He says, “The modern apology is not really an apology from the abuser to the victim. It is for public consumption, a plea bargain with fans, supporters, and critics and a required step on the path back to social rehabilitation. Whatever passes for repentance is an early move in the healing process. The happy ending is ‘achieving closure,’ capped by the announcement that it is time to move on and time for the tabloids and paparazzi to stalk someone else.” (195) I’m reminded of comedian Adam Corolla who famously has refused to grovel before any mob, and has been able to avoid “cancelation” because the wolves who are looking for blood always move quickly on to their next victim. Of course, as Christians, true repentance is a must. That’s Guinness’s point: what our culture demands is not true repentance, but often mere moral theatre.

In the end, I think this book has some good stuff to say. My biggest critique would be that Guinness often throws too much on the page to consider. He is obviously well-read, but many times fails to drill down and unpack an idea when he can get away with just mentioning it in passing. The chapters are long, and he perhaps could have benefited from dividing his many ideas into more manageable chapters. However, for someone wishing to engage the political and social climate from the perspective of the Old Testament, this book offers an interesting perspective.

Rating: 3/5